With all I am, Lord, I will follow You

I'm going to go a little off my "norm" for posting. Today's update doesn't really follow a sermon. It's actually a combination of the two that I heard today, this morning at Chase Oaks and this evening at North Point. Chase Oaks started a new series this morning about David, titled "Messy Spirituality", and North Point started a series entitled "The Comparison Trap". On that note, I'll start with the fact that I have recently been struggling with something. It appears that a lot of girls in committed, serious, relationships seem to struggle with this as well (some guys, too, from what I gather). It seems as though my friends are all getting engaged or married. Some of them already have families, some multiple kids. So I continue to ask, "Why hasn't it been my turn yet? Why haven't I been able to find that happiness?" (But I have, more on that in a minute.)

My first thought is that I don't deserve that happiness, that some of the choices that I made in the past are detrimental to my present, and future, contentment. I think this because I was happy, but then work made me move away from my happiness. I'm struggling with the issues that come with all long-distance relationship. And let me tell you, you think it might get easier? It doesn't. I applaud those who do this regularly because of their situations, because I am here with you now, and it is not a fun place to be. I had convinced myself that I am destined to be in this state of limbo, not really knowing where I am. This morning during my time at Chase Oaks Jeff (the senior pastor) spoke about David. To sum up this morning's message: That thing that you think is keeping you from doing something great? That thing that you think is detrimental to God choosing you to do His work? It's exactly why He will choose you. God does not look at the things that man looks at, He only looks at the purity of our hearts. Those who are pure of heart will do great things, God will see to that.

Woah. Wait a minute there, Jeff. You mean that I will get to my place of happiness one day? Yea. That's exactly what it means. You mean that I will get to be just like the rest of my friends who are happily engaged/married/parents? Yep.

Well, that's a relief. But I'm still unhappy. I'm unhappy because Friend A is getting married late spring/early summer. Friend B is planning on proposing to his girlfriend this summer/early fall. Friend C is having her first baby this summer. Friend D just bought a house with his fiancee. Why can't I be there too? Why can't I have that kind of happiness? So I sink back down into my original state of unhappiness.

Fast forward to this evening (yes, folks, this all happened in one day. Most of my feelings have been building over the last couple of months, but every once in a while they get more extreme). I sit down to watch North Point, I miss being there at the main campus. I wish I could be, but I can watch on my TV now so I'll tune in every week in the evenings. Opening sequence plays and announces the new series: "The Comparison Trap."

Okay, really? Come on, God. Really?? Fine. I'll watch. I'll listen with an open heart. What is it You want me to hear?

There is no win in comparison. You can look to your left and to your right all you want, but you'll just be more unhappy with where you are. (Next week Andy will discuss the mirror we should be looking in. Who should we be looking at?) We live in the land of -er. We all want to be happy-er, strong-er, skinny-er, rich-er, etc. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others. (I just sat there on my couch, mouth gaping. After a few moments I had to just shake my head. I get it, Lord. Okay? I get it. I'll work on it. I have to start some where/some time. Show me how.)

It seems to me, that on a regular basis, God proves that He has a sense of humor. He puts these struggles into my life, and then He throws something like today at me. Thanks for that. I really appreciate it. (No really, I actually do.)

It's amazing how He does this to me. Have you ever felt that He was playing games with you? Sometimes it's frustrating, at least it is for me, but I know that He has a plan for me and that if I want to see where it's leading me I just need to relax and know that I am in good hands.

So remember these things: God does not look at the things that man looks at. He is only concerned with the purity of your heart. And there is no win in comparison.

Until next time, dear readers.

Romans 5: 6-8

Series Recap: The Immeasurable Life

For the past three weeks we have been studying Ephesians 3:14-21 with Joel Thomas, North Point's campus pastor. We specifically focused on Eph 3:20-21. It reads, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (NIV)

He started with a question, "Have you ever wanted more?" It doesn't matter what you have wanted more of, but the truth is that you have wanted more of something at some point in your life. You begin to think that if you could just get "there", you wouldn't want anything more. Let's say that "there", is getting a promotion or raise at work. You work hard to show your boss that you deserve the promotion/raise. You work extra hours, take on tasks you normally wouldn't, etc. Eventually you get rewarded for all of your hard work and get that promotion/raise. You're happy and you've finally gotten "there". But after a while, you begin to realize that you still want more. We get stuck in this endless loop of wanting more. When does it end?

What do you measure? Time? Money? The things you measure are the things that are important to you. Do you believe that immeasurably more than you could ever imagine is possible for you? In your family, relationship, career, future, etc.

More is possible because God is able.

He has immeasurably more planned for us. We forget this, and I think that some of us don't believe it. Remember that one time when something amazing happened to you that you never thought would? A job opportunity, a relationship, anything. They are works of God. I know I take Him for granted sometimes, and in light of recent events with my family, I have to remember that all things work together for good.

I know that He has something more planned for you as well. Joel ended the first week with this prayer:

      God, help me to look beyond what I can measure and to believe that, because of you, immeasurably more is possible for me.

The next message in the series was about, "What happens next?"So we know that God has more planned for us. But how do we get there? There is nothing more frustrating than knowing there is more out there and not knowing how to get it. (I am totally in this situation right now, so this message really hit home for me.) 

We looked looked at Eph 3:14-20 this week, and looked more in depth at Eph 3:16: I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being.

So what? So, my dear reader, immeasurably more is possible for you, but not until it happens in you. Confused? I was too at first. Immeasurably more starts within you. It is about a change in your inner self, it is not external change that makes this happen.

Have you ever been loved? By anyone. Your parents, a significant other, a friend. We all have, whether it is expressed or not. Love is life altering. Whether it is present or not, love is the driving force behind most decisions. If someone you love achieves something great, you want to be there for them in celebration. If you get your heart broken, you may not want to leave the house for a few days. 

When the most powerful force, love, is directed at you by the most powerful being, God, you will change. Slowly at first, but when you allow His love to empower you, it will happen more radically. I have experienced this first hand over the past year. I am grateful for His love every day.

Here are two suggestions for you on how you can begin to let His love empower you.

• Pray for the capacity to grasp God's love.
• Pursue intimacy with God, community with insiders, and influence with outsiders.

And onto the last week in the series, which was this last weekend. The most important thing to remember from this last weekend in the series is that it's not about you. 

One of the things that Joel said that explained this best to me was, "When more is about you, immeasurably more seems impossible." The moon doesn't give off any light of it's own. (I'm sure you already knew that.) It reflect's the sun's light. We should be like the moon, not giving off our own light but reflecting God's. 

I forget the man's name that Joel mentioned, but he gave a couple of quotes from a book about how the first Christians changed the world. Some of the examples were:

• The value of human life was raised.
• Sexual immorality was confronted.
• Women received freedom and dignity.
• Christian symbols and expressions permeated the culture.

In a time when the world was enslaving their own children and leaving healthy babies for dead because they were unwanted, Christians began to reflect the light of God. They changed how the known world viewed them.

When you live a life worthy of God's calling, your life outlives you. A friend of mine recently lost a close friend of his. He was a man of God, very involved with his church. I have tried to console my friend, but sometimes I have felt like nothing I have said has helped. After this weekend, I told my friend that he can miss his friend. I would too. I told him that he should keep talking about his friend, keep listening to his music. The legacy he left behind can only be told by those of us left on Earth, and my friend should keep his legacy alive.

To conclude this series recap, ask yourself the following questions:

Are there areas of your life that you are living that aren't worthy of God's calling?

Are there passages in the Bible that you ignore because you don't think they apply to you?

To truly live a live worthy of God's calling and to be empowered by His love, these are things that you might want to consider editing. The Bible was written over 2000 years ago, and it is all still relevant in our lives today, if you can extract the lesson being taught and apply it to your life. You can either jump in, there is no "testing the waters", or miss out. You're either all in or not in at all. There is no "in between" with this.

Until next time, dear readers.

Be still, and know that I am God.

Laura Campbell, Indy West Great Banquet #22, Table of Martha.

I have to remember that, and I haven't found a sharpie yet to write it on my name tag so I'm putting it here. From now on, whenever I introduce myself to a member of the Great Banquet community, that's how I do it. And then everyone applauds. No, I'm not kidding.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the Great Banquet, it's a 72 hour experience where you are pushed to grow closer in your relationship with Christ. It's not a retreat, it's not a mission, it's an experience. We arrive Thursday evening and leave Sunday evening-yes, friends, that's right. I spent 72 hours "locked" in a church with many other women. Granted, there were other things going on, but we had our own schedule to stick to. Did I mention that they covered the clocks and we weren't allowed to have watches or cell phones? So, no communication with the outside world and no clue on the time. 

I loved every single minute of it. I would love to go into the details about why I loved it so much, but I can't. It's part of the experience, and if anyone were to ever go through it, I wouldn't want to ruin it for you. I admit I was nervous when I went in, but luckily my sponsors-and second family-were there with me. Still didn't ease my nervous-ness. But on Sunday as we were wrapping up-as most sisters in Christ do-we ended with hugs. As I hugged each of my sisters, almost every single one of them told me that they loved my energy. A few asked if they could have some of it, haha. Simply put, I had an amazing time. I made some amazing new friends, and I pray that we will be able to serve together on a future Great Banquet weekend.

Okay, so I picked up a few things from this weekend experience:

Be still and know that I am God.

God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.

If I can make the time to watch my favorite TV show or be on facebook, I can make the time for God in my daily life. And it's become very apparent that I need to.

As much as I don't want to admit it, I cannot be the spiritual leader for my future family. It's not my position. It's my man's job. And the only things I can do to help him is love and encourage. That's it. Everything else is between him and God. (Let me tell you, this one is a struggle for me. But I know that I need this rock in my life, and I know that my future children will need it too.)

I have struggled with prayer in my life since I opened my heart to God. But something that was said this weekend helped ease that struggle a little. "Even when we don't have the right words to say, God knows."

My relationship with God-yes, I have a relationship with the Lord-takes effort. Just like any other relationship. I may not be perfect, but I can count on Him to always be there for me. I can trust Him to always love me, no matter what. There is nothing you can do to make God love you less, and nothing you can do to make Him love you more. His love is everlasting.

I could go on and on about things I learned over the weekend-but I won't. I won't because I don't want to give anything away! One thing I can share with you though, is that I thoroughly believe that coincidences do not exist. I have been in this train of thought since about March or so. This weekend absolutely confirmed it. I know that God brought my man into my life at exactly the right moment. I know that if he and I had met any sooner, I don't think we would be together. I think, as much as I hate to admit it, would have completely ignored him. But that is not the case, so I need not worry about it. I have the perfect man in my life, and most importantly, I have God in my life.

The best thing about having God in my life is knowing that He will always be with me. No matter what.

Until next time, dear readers.

Philippians 4:13

How did I get here? (part 3)

Okay, so it wasn't right after dinner on Sunday, I'm sorry. But, it's within the same week, which, for me, seems to be a good thing. Enough with the small talk, I know why you're really here... onto part 3. I may wrap up my story tonight, but I heard that part 2 was a little intimidating in length and I don't want to keep you. Or... lose you... err... Well. I would appreciate it if you kept reading, so I'll (try to) keep it short.

So I left off on December 16, 2010. I had just come home with my first Bible and I was absolutely overwhelmed with emotions. I knew then that my mentors and friends were more than that-they had become more like a second set of parents. "In-state" parents if you will (since my mom was living in Wisconsin and my dad was living out west for work, Mom wanted to stay close so she could go to the football games). It's hard to describe what I was going through. I hadn't ever felt like I could have a relationship with God. I had thought about getting a Bible previously, but never had the courage to do so. I had no idea what to look for, after all. 

The rest of the time I was in my apartment I carried my Bible from room to room with me. It still hadn't really occurred to me that it wasn't going to go anywhere. When I got home for winter break my mom asked me about it and I told her the story. She said that was very sweet of his family to buy it for me-but they didn't have to. I told her that I had told them that, and they insisted-if I would let them. Besides, how could I say no to my new friends, mentors, and in-state parents? My mom and I flew west to be with my dad & sister for the holiday. No harm in checking out the mountains while we were there, right? ;) We spent pretty much all of the daylight hours on a mountain-or several of the peaks that the resorts have to offer. Overall, it was an amazing week to spend with my family.

While out there P and I continued to text each other. At this point, I don't even know who texted who first. All of a sudden I was checking my phone every opportunity I could. At the bottom of the run, at the top of the mountain after the lift ride up, while waiting in line to take a bathroom break, every 5 minutes during our short lunch breaks... My phone and I were pretty much inseparable. From my perspective, it was the same way with P, apart from the whole "mountain" part. He spent the break with his family-which ended up working out to my benefit a little. His dad texted me once in a while to let me in on the goings on. Like when they were watching a movie and P's little sister glared at him because he wasn't actually watching-he was texting me instead. Still makes me smile like crazy when I think about how many text messages we sent to each other over our three week break from school. (His dad eventually ended up informing me of how many texts we sent based on their bill. Lucky for us we both have unlimited texting!)

Over the course of the week I was on vacation, I dropped "subtle" hints that I like coffee and talking, once I realized that I kinda had a crush on this guy. After talking with him about it-it seems like I wasn't so subtle, haha. But I guess that's just how I am sometimes. Silly me. I had also mentioned that I was going to be back at school early because I was going to go to a women's basketball game-I was in the pep band and knew that the holiday games are always rough on the band. So I informed him that I would be back early and would enjoy some company. Eventually he asked me if I was busy after the game and when I said no, he asked if I wanted to hang out. I agreed, and then all of a sudden the butterflies hit me. I had spent very little time with him. Sure, we had sent roughly 4,000 texts to each other over a 3 week span, but we hadn't ever actually had a conversation! What if I didn't really like him? I mean, what if we couldn't have a face-to-face conversation??

Well. My butterflies just escalated on New Year's Eve. By that point the upcoming date with P was less than a week away, and I was still very nervous. My mom and I decided to hang out at home and watch the ball drop from our living room with all the animals instead of doing anything crazy. So I was sitting in the dining room watching a movie on my laptop-with my phone, of course, and at 11:00pm it rang. I panicked. It was him!! Why was he calling me?! He wanted to wish me a happy new year. (He forgot about the time change.) I was still in panic mode so I hardly spoke. (Later I heard from his dad that he said, "She was really quiet." Sorry that I'm not actually quiet, P....) But he made the first move. I called him at midnight central time and wished him a happy new year again. I could tell 2011 would be a fantastic new year-even though it was only a few minutes old. 

Well, the first date was fantastic. We grilled paninis and watched Avatar (the aliens, not the air bender). He drove me home and asked if I was busy the next day. I asked why-he said he wanted to take me to the children's museum and grab lunch with his dad downtown. (I had admitted to have never been to the museum, and Indy's is the biggest.) I immediately agreed and so he dropped me off and kissed me goodnight. Best. Kiss. Ever. (not to brag, but my man's the best, sorry ladies.) So our first date quickly turned into a weekend long event. 

School started and with that, our spring activities. I had also gotten in touch with an amazing person at Campus House before leaving, and when I expressed interest in being baptized she agreed to meet with me on a weekly basis to talk. I also joined a small group with Campus House. I ended up being in her group-and I met some absolutely amazing girls because of it. I know that without these girls in my life I would not have grown so much this past spring. P was quickly wrapped up in his senior design project along with Glee Club-something which I quickly discovered was a very large time sucker. We made it work. We mostly saw each other during homework time. Sometimes we were both so busy we didn't get to see each other until the weekend, or if I stopped by his work in between classes. 

Before I knew it, spring break appeared. I had interviews in three different cities with three different companies. I was very excited-and then he told me before my first interview, "Get a job. I'll find one near you." I was floored. I prayed that God would help me in my decision-if the offers came. They came. All three. I prayed that He would help me pick the one that would be good for both of us. With God's guidance, and input from P, I informed two of the companies that I was grateful for the offer, but I had already accepted a job with another company. 

I fear that I have gone on too long, dear reader. I will give you a break and hopefully catch up to present day, well, at least to graduation, in the next update. I fear that I have left out too many things, so I'll say this: I had so many moments over the beginning of the semester where I could feel God pulling my heart in a certain direction. The moment I voiced my desire to be baptized, I knew it was what He had been waiting for. I know that He had been waiting for me to accept His love, and now that I had, He was excited and wanted to show me that He had always been there for me even though I denied Him for so long.

Until next time, dear reader. 

And if our God is for us, 

then who could ever stop us

and if our God is with us

then what could stand against

"Our God" - Chris Tomlin

There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.

8:51am: I realized something last night/this morning. Yes, I want to be engaged. Yes, I want to marry the man in my life. But you know what? I'm not in a hurry to do so. I love him, and I know that if/when the time is right for us, it will happen. I felt this unspoken pressure from myself, and from my friends, that I needed to be engaged. But I don't. I am happy with where I am in life right now. I do not need to be engaged to be happy. I would, however, really like it if my man could find a job and get his butt moved here so I could give him a big hug. I have also realized a couple things while reading Eat, Pray, Love. I haven't decided if I'm going to blog about them. I think before I do I need to have a talk with my man. (I know I wouldn't appreciate it if I found out something kind of major via the interweb rather than directly from him.) So, no promises dear readers.

7:03pm: Sorry I haven't updated yet today-I have been busy. Went to IKEA after church to pick up the parts to put together my couch... anyway. I got everything and now I'm updating from my new couch! I love it. Enough about this nonsense, onto why you are here.

Today was a celebration-we were able to witness two people get baptized this morning. As I listened to their stories about how they came to accept Jesus Christ as their savior, I thought about my own story. In time-I will share it with you but today is not the day. Anyway, I pray that I will always feel I did this morning when I am able to witness another get baptized. In any case, today we talked about Matthew 5:43-48. This morning, Rodney, the singles director from Buckhead Church, joined us for today's message: "Love your enemies." I immediately thought of the predicament I was in last night/this morning: the fact that IKEA didn't include the necessary hardware to assemble my couch. I was mad at them. So, I suppose this morning: they were my enemies. All right, I'm listening, God. What is it you want me to hear this morning?

What do you pray about? That seems like a silly question, don't you think? Listen to me, don't you pray for the things you want? Yea, okay. That's true. We pray for things our hearts are wrapped up in. Imagine what could happen to our hearts if we begin to pray for our enemies. Our enemies might be government officials, the woman in front of you in the grocery store who has seen one too many episodes of "Extreme Couponing" or that guy in the office, the one-upper, or even someone closer to you, someone that has hurt you. But if praying about something YOU want opens your heart, what will happen if you begin to pray for those who persecute you? Will it continue to open your heart to God?

So if Jesus said, "Love your enemies," who are our neighbors? Who are our enemies? We divide people up into groups. We don't do it consciously, or at least, I don't. I know I put people into groups, whether or not I will talk to them today, or if I want to shut this person out of my life forever.  You know you've made God into your image when He conveniently hates the same people you do. (Rodney said that. It got a lot of laughs-and he said, "You laugh because you know it's true." Yep.) Our enemies are those who you don't want to say hi to, those who you will avoid if they walk down the street towards you. When Rodney was saying those words, my thoughts immediately moved to someone who broke my heart. I haven't spoken to him since May 2010, where we got into a fight. He told me that it would have never worked. I realize now that he's right. If he believed it wouldn't work, it wouldn't have.

Rodney suggested that we pray out loud for our enemies, whether it be the next time you think of them or the next time you see them. "Dear God, please bless this woman..." (Personally, if I were the person someone was praying for, I would be a little weirded out. Mostly because it's not something that you see in a normal day.) So, on my way home from IKEA, I began to pray for him-my enemy, the boy who I thought was "the one". I prayed for his happiness. I prayed for the grace I will need when I see him again, because I'm confident that he will be at alumni band this year, to talk to him. To apologize, and then to thank him. I think he was the one who ignited something in my heart that got me thinking about my faith. He and I went to church together a few times, and after each service he would always ask, "What did you think?" I never had a really good answer for him because I didn't have a relationship with God. I also don't think that the churches we were going to were a good fit for me. I always felt out of place there, that others were looking at me and thinking, "She's new. She doesn't really belong here." At Campus House, Connection Pointe, and now at North Point, I have always belonged. I almost feel like they were there, waiting for me to find them.

So I pray that he is genuinely happy. I pray that he is able to find what he is looking for in his life. Thank you, God, for bringing him into my life when I needed him. And thank you for blessing me with this man who makes me happy beyond all reason. Even as I sit here on my new couch (that he helped me pick out!) and think about him, I can't help but smile. I finally printed out a picture of us for my desk and as I sit here and look at it, I'm getting all teary. I miss him-it's been over a month since I have seen his face and it will be another month until I get to see him again. But, I can begin a countdown of sorts I guess. Only 4 more Sundays until he's planning on being here and then he can come to North Point with me, thank goodness. I love him and can't wait to share this with him.

Until next time, dear readers.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:22

Are you seeing that person?

That person who is there right in front of you that you are missing because you are too important? I know I am guilty of doing this: "Hey, how are you?" And then shortly after saying I had something else to do that was "more important" than talking to that person. What are you missing because you are "too busy" for them? We are constantly trying to prove ourselves-in life, work, relationships, etc. I am quickly approaching my 5 year high school reunion, and if I go, what will I have to show for my life? Several of my friends from high school are married and have families already, others have traveled to different countries to study, live, and/or work. What have I done? Would I impress my friends from high school with my life right now? What can I do to become more important? What must I do to be great?

Wait a minute. I am important. I already am great. This morning one of the younger pastors at NP gave today's sermon (I'm not sure of his name, once I find out I'll post it in here to give him the credit he deserves), the second in the series Shocking Statements of Jesus. Today we looked at Mark 9:35-37. Mark 9:35 reads:

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."

Well, you know whatever Jesus is about to say is important, because he sits. In movies, or in some cases, real life, when some one needs to say something that's serious, important, or something that you really need to hear, they always sit and usually invite you to sit too. I think Jesus sat before saying that for that reason: it's something the disciples really needed to hear. Conversations require time AND attention. To make someone feel important, you must give them both. We are all seeking importance in life-so the least we can do is make one another feel important, right? So then why is it so hard for some of us to do this?

There is nothing more devaluing than having a conversation with someone and they keep checking their cell phone. I have experienced this a number of times-and I know I am guilty of it as well. I have made the promise to myself that when I talk to people, I will put the phone away. I won't even simply turn it over on the table, I will put it in my pocket or in my purse and ignore any messages or phone calls I might receive. I ask you, my readers, my friends, to do the same. It doesn't even have to be a conversation you think is "critical" or "important". It could be a lunch date with a friend. They probably won't say anything, in fact, I can probably guarantee they wouldn't, but they'll notice. And if you notice that others are doing it-to you, or to your friends, I can only hope that they will realize what they are doing to the people who they are with.

So ask yourselves this: Am I seeking what is really important? What is most important in my life right now? To me, right now, the most important things in my life are seeking acceptance at work and doing well at my new job. I am also trying to decorate my apartment with this new found freedom that is being a young adult. But is that really important? Yes, my job is important. Being successful in my career is important-we are hard wired to work, to achieve. I feel guilty for having a job when the boy does not. I feel guilty when I complain to him about how I wish I had friends. I am happy with where I am with my life right now-but I know I could be better. So, am I seeking what is truly important in life? What is truly important in life?

Truth is: it changes. We are continually seeking significance and importance in our lives, but it is constantly changing and the "ranking" we are looking for sometimes disappears. We seek higher positions in our careers, more expensive cars, bigger bank accounts, bigger houses-our society seems to be under the impression that "bigger is better". But what about what you already have? Take a look around you. You have a family that loves you, and in most cases, friends who are like family who love you. Those people are important. So, to answer my own question: what is truly important in life? I think for that, we have to ask God. I seek a relationship with Him because of the great things He has given me-a family who loves me, friends who I treat like family, and opportunities to grow-as a Christian, as a woman, and as a young adult.

Back to the passage that we talked about this morning. The ironic part of this passage is that what we are looking for, we already have.

Jesus died on the cross for us because we are worth dying for. We are all significant, no matter where you put yourself in life, work, etc. There is a God in Heaven who gave His life for you. And because of it, you are important. My... honestly, I don't really know what to call him. He has helped guide me in my journey towards Christ, purchased my first Bible for me (that is a fun story that I will have to share with you, in time), became a good friend and, essentially, a second father to me. I am so blessed to have him and his wife (who has also become like a second parent, spiritual mentor, and good friend) in my life. I do not think I would have made the decision to become baptized without their guidance. I had thought about it, but never had the support system to find my relationship with Christ and move towards Him.

In any case, he helped me through some rough times in October/November 2010, and he gave me a book to read entitled "Sex God". In chapter 6, entitled, "Worth Dying For", Rob Bell writes, "You don't need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You already are loved an valued. You're good enough exactly as you are. Do you believe this? Because it's true. You have limitless worth and value. If you embrace this truth, it will affect every area of life, especially your relationship with men.

You are worth dying for." (pg 123-124) When I first read this chapter, I cried. I have struggled with this since I started dating-and to be honest, I don't think I have been without a boy in my life since then (or if I have I don't remember it). I was seeking what was important: finding a boyfriend and being loved by him. Doing whatever that meant to get him to love me. That led to some stupid mistakes on my part, but since then I have grown immensely as a person, and as a woman. This book helped a lot with that. Knowing that God loves me-that helped a lot too.

God loves you too. Whether or not you are a Christian, God wants to have a relationship with you. He is seeking your love-but you have to seek Him too. But for me, knowing that He loves me is enough. So, you don't have to seek the highest position in your company or a relationship you aren't ready for to be important. You are already important. Jesus died for you because he loves you-no matter what your flaws are.

Until next time,  dear readers.