With all I am, Lord, I will follow You

I'm going to go a little off my "norm" for posting. Today's update doesn't really follow a sermon. It's actually a combination of the two that I heard today, this morning at Chase Oaks and this evening at North Point. Chase Oaks started a new series this morning about David, titled "Messy Spirituality", and North Point started a series entitled "The Comparison Trap". On that note, I'll start with the fact that I have recently been struggling with something. It appears that a lot of girls in committed, serious, relationships seem to struggle with this as well (some guys, too, from what I gather). It seems as though my friends are all getting engaged or married. Some of them already have families, some multiple kids. So I continue to ask, "Why hasn't it been my turn yet? Why haven't I been able to find that happiness?" (But I have, more on that in a minute.)

My first thought is that I don't deserve that happiness, that some of the choices that I made in the past are detrimental to my present, and future, contentment. I think this because I was happy, but then work made me move away from my happiness. I'm struggling with the issues that come with all long-distance relationship. And let me tell you, you think it might get easier? It doesn't. I applaud those who do this regularly because of their situations, because I am here with you now, and it is not a fun place to be. I had convinced myself that I am destined to be in this state of limbo, not really knowing where I am. This morning during my time at Chase Oaks Jeff (the senior pastor) spoke about David. To sum up this morning's message: That thing that you think is keeping you from doing something great? That thing that you think is detrimental to God choosing you to do His work? It's exactly why He will choose you. God does not look at the things that man looks at, He only looks at the purity of our hearts. Those who are pure of heart will do great things, God will see to that.

Woah. Wait a minute there, Jeff. You mean that I will get to my place of happiness one day? Yea. That's exactly what it means. You mean that I will get to be just like the rest of my friends who are happily engaged/married/parents? Yep.

Well, that's a relief. But I'm still unhappy. I'm unhappy because Friend A is getting married late spring/early summer. Friend B is planning on proposing to his girlfriend this summer/early fall. Friend C is having her first baby this summer. Friend D just bought a house with his fiancee. Why can't I be there too? Why can't I have that kind of happiness? So I sink back down into my original state of unhappiness.

Fast forward to this evening (yes, folks, this all happened in one day. Most of my feelings have been building over the last couple of months, but every once in a while they get more extreme). I sit down to watch North Point, I miss being there at the main campus. I wish I could be, but I can watch on my TV now so I'll tune in every week in the evenings. Opening sequence plays and announces the new series: "The Comparison Trap."

Okay, really? Come on, God. Really?? Fine. I'll watch. I'll listen with an open heart. What is it You want me to hear?

There is no win in comparison. You can look to your left and to your right all you want, but you'll just be more unhappy with where you are. (Next week Andy will discuss the mirror we should be looking in. Who should we be looking at?) We live in the land of -er. We all want to be happy-er, strong-er, skinny-er, rich-er, etc. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others. (I just sat there on my couch, mouth gaping. After a few moments I had to just shake my head. I get it, Lord. Okay? I get it. I'll work on it. I have to start some where/some time. Show me how.)

It seems to me, that on a regular basis, God proves that He has a sense of humor. He puts these struggles into my life, and then He throws something like today at me. Thanks for that. I really appreciate it. (No really, I actually do.)

It's amazing how He does this to me. Have you ever felt that He was playing games with you? Sometimes it's frustrating, at least it is for me, but I know that He has a plan for me and that if I want to see where it's leading me I just need to relax and know that I am in good hands.

So remember these things: God does not look at the things that man looks at. He is only concerned with the purity of your heart. And there is no win in comparison.

Until next time, dear readers.

Romans 5: 6-8

End of the Year Life update

So as the title says, this is going to be a mini life update for me. Chances are you already know this but I'll say it anyway. I am moving to Dallas in January for work. I don't have a place to live yet (+10 stress) (okay, at least not officially. I found a place that looks nice and isn't super expensive, and they have my application and they're just waiting on my deposit and application check which I mailed on Monday.), my man is going to stay here (+5 stress), and I'm going to be working on TWO projects (+7 stress) that I've never had experience with before (+6 stress  +8 stress). Luckily the moving company came today and did the survey of my apartment, so that's one less thing on my plate. Now I just have to prime and spackle the walls... Also, I have found out that I'll be traveling to the job in LA twice a month for about three days at a time. So, 4 plane rides a month. That means about 12 hours on airplanes plus all of the airport time. I'm planning on using that time working on my 52 book challenge. So, as you can imagine, life is a little hectic right now.

I'm going to try and keep updating, but I don't know how often it will be. I've done some research about where I will be living, and I think I may have found a new church to go to. I'm going to try and keep up with North Point still, because I like Andy so much. Chase Oaks seems like it will be okay, I can't give you an honest opinion since I've never been. I'll let you know what I think once I get there. (Unrelated, but I think I'm going to find a zumba class when I get there as well. I think I would like it.) I'm also planning on becoming a Texas resident, so that means new driver's license, new plates, new car insurance, etc. Eep! So much to do in such short time... and I'll probably be regularly working 10-12 hour days.

We found my man a place to live and we're planning on getting all of the rest of his stuff into his new place this weekend, so that will be good. I think. We're struggling-okay, I'm struggling with this idea that we'll be 13+ hours apart. (and twice a month we'll be on opposite sides of the country. boo.) But we'll make it work, I know we will. We made it through the two months during the summer, we can make it through the next 7 or 8. We also know that God has a plan for us, and I'm relying heavily on Him through this transition in my life.

"God makes all things work together for my good." -- Your Love Never Fails by Chris Quilala/Jesus Culture

I am looking forward to this next phase in my life as a "traveler" as I've heard it called at work. I know this won't be a forever thing, but I'm sure looking forward to it for a now kind of thing. I trust in the Lord and prayed about this for three days before I made my decision. I hope that this change will mean good things for me and for my career. Plus, I've never been to Texas. (that one time I was in Houston for less than 24 hours doesn't count. and yes, I did leave the airport.)

Until next time, dear readers. Romans 8:28