8:51am: I realized something last night/this morning. Yes, I want to be engaged. Yes, I want to marry the man in my life. But you know what? I'm not in a hurry to do so. I love him, and I know that if/when the time is right for us, it will happen. I felt this unspoken pressure from myself, and from my friends, that I needed to be engaged. But I don't. I am happy with where I am in life right now. I do not need to be engaged to be happy. I would, however, really like it if my man could find a job and get his butt moved here so I could give him a big hug. I have also realized a couple things while reading Eat, Pray, Love. I haven't decided if I'm going to blog about them. I think before I do I need to have a talk with my man. (I know I wouldn't appreciate it if I found out something kind of major via the interweb rather than directly from him.) So, no promises dear readers.
7:03pm: Sorry I haven't updated yet today-I have been busy. Went to IKEA after church to pick up the parts to put together my couch... anyway. I got everything and now I'm updating from my new couch! I love it. Enough about this nonsense, onto why you are here.
Today was a celebration-we were able to witness two people get baptized this morning. As I listened to their stories about how they came to accept Jesus Christ as their savior, I thought about my own story. In time-I will share it with you but today is not the day. Anyway, I pray that I will always feel I did this morning when I am able to witness another get baptized. In any case, today we talked about Matthew 5:43-48. This morning, Rodney, the singles director from Buckhead Church, joined us for today's message: "Love your enemies." I immediately thought of the predicament I was in last night/this morning: the fact that IKEA didn't include the necessary hardware to assemble my couch. I was mad at them. So, I suppose this morning: they were my enemies. All right, I'm listening, God. What is it you want me to hear this morning?
What do you pray about? That seems like a silly question, don't you think? Listen to me, don't you pray for the things you want? Yea, okay. That's true. We pray for things our hearts are wrapped up in. Imagine what could happen to our hearts if we begin to pray for our enemies. Our enemies might be government officials, the woman in front of you in the grocery store who has seen one too many episodes of "Extreme Couponing" or that guy in the office, the one-upper, or even someone closer to you, someone that has hurt you. But if praying about something YOU want opens your heart, what will happen if you begin to pray for those who persecute you? Will it continue to open your heart to God?
So if Jesus said, "Love your enemies," who are our neighbors? Who are our enemies? We divide people up into groups. We don't do it consciously, or at least, I don't. I know I put people into groups, whether or not I will talk to them today, or if I want to shut this person out of my life forever. You know you've made God into your image when He conveniently hates the same people you do. (Rodney said that. It got a lot of laughs-and he said, "You laugh because you know it's true." Yep.) Our enemies are those who you don't want to say hi to, those who you will avoid if they walk down the street towards you. When Rodney was saying those words, my thoughts immediately moved to someone who broke my heart. I haven't spoken to him since May 2010, where we got into a fight. He told me that it would have never worked. I realize now that he's right. If he believed it wouldn't work, it wouldn't have.
Rodney suggested that we pray out loud for our enemies, whether it be the next time you think of them or the next time you see them. "Dear God, please bless this woman..." (Personally, if I were the person someone was praying for, I would be a little weirded out. Mostly because it's not something that you see in a normal day.) So, on my way home from IKEA, I began to pray for him-my enemy, the boy who I thought was "the one". I prayed for his happiness. I prayed for the grace I will need when I see him again, because I'm confident that he will be at alumni band this year, to talk to him. To apologize, and then to thank him. I think he was the one who ignited something in my heart that got me thinking about my faith. He and I went to church together a few times, and after each service he would always ask, "What did you think?" I never had a really good answer for him because I didn't have a relationship with God. I also don't think that the churches we were going to were a good fit for me. I always felt out of place there, that others were looking at me and thinking, "She's new. She doesn't really belong here." At Campus House, Connection Pointe, and now at North Point, I have always belonged. I almost feel like they were there, waiting for me to find them.
So I pray that he is genuinely happy. I pray that he is able to find what he is looking for in his life. Thank you, God, for bringing him into my life when I needed him. And thank you for blessing me with this man who makes me happy beyond all reason. Even as I sit here on my new couch (that he helped me pick out!) and think about him, I can't help but smile. I finally printed out a picture of us for my desk and as I sit here and look at it, I'm getting all teary. I miss him-it's been over a month since I have seen his face and it will be another month until I get to see him again. But, I can begin a countdown of sorts I guess. Only 4 more Sundays until he's planning on being here and then he can come to North Point with me, thank goodness. I love him and can't wait to share this with him.
Until next time, dear readers.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:22
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