How did I get here? (part 3)

Okay, so it wasn't right after dinner on Sunday, I'm sorry. But, it's within the same week, which, for me, seems to be a good thing. Enough with the small talk, I know why you're really here... onto part 3. I may wrap up my story tonight, but I heard that part 2 was a little intimidating in length and I don't want to keep you. Or... lose you... err... Well. I would appreciate it if you kept reading, so I'll (try to) keep it short.

So I left off on December 16, 2010. I had just come home with my first Bible and I was absolutely overwhelmed with emotions. I knew then that my mentors and friends were more than that-they had become more like a second set of parents. "In-state" parents if you will (since my mom was living in Wisconsin and my dad was living out west for work, Mom wanted to stay close so she could go to the football games). It's hard to describe what I was going through. I hadn't ever felt like I could have a relationship with God. I had thought about getting a Bible previously, but never had the courage to do so. I had no idea what to look for, after all. 

The rest of the time I was in my apartment I carried my Bible from room to room with me. It still hadn't really occurred to me that it wasn't going to go anywhere. When I got home for winter break my mom asked me about it and I told her the story. She said that was very sweet of his family to buy it for me-but they didn't have to. I told her that I had told them that, and they insisted-if I would let them. Besides, how could I say no to my new friends, mentors, and in-state parents? My mom and I flew west to be with my dad & sister for the holiday. No harm in checking out the mountains while we were there, right? ;) We spent pretty much all of the daylight hours on a mountain-or several of the peaks that the resorts have to offer. Overall, it was an amazing week to spend with my family.

While out there P and I continued to text each other. At this point, I don't even know who texted who first. All of a sudden I was checking my phone every opportunity I could. At the bottom of the run, at the top of the mountain after the lift ride up, while waiting in line to take a bathroom break, every 5 minutes during our short lunch breaks... My phone and I were pretty much inseparable. From my perspective, it was the same way with P, apart from the whole "mountain" part. He spent the break with his family-which ended up working out to my benefit a little. His dad texted me once in a while to let me in on the goings on. Like when they were watching a movie and P's little sister glared at him because he wasn't actually watching-he was texting me instead. Still makes me smile like crazy when I think about how many text messages we sent to each other over our three week break from school. (His dad eventually ended up informing me of how many texts we sent based on their bill. Lucky for us we both have unlimited texting!)

Over the course of the week I was on vacation, I dropped "subtle" hints that I like coffee and talking, once I realized that I kinda had a crush on this guy. After talking with him about it-it seems like I wasn't so subtle, haha. But I guess that's just how I am sometimes. Silly me. I had also mentioned that I was going to be back at school early because I was going to go to a women's basketball game-I was in the pep band and knew that the holiday games are always rough on the band. So I informed him that I would be back early and would enjoy some company. Eventually he asked me if I was busy after the game and when I said no, he asked if I wanted to hang out. I agreed, and then all of a sudden the butterflies hit me. I had spent very little time with him. Sure, we had sent roughly 4,000 texts to each other over a 3 week span, but we hadn't ever actually had a conversation! What if I didn't really like him? I mean, what if we couldn't have a face-to-face conversation??

Well. My butterflies just escalated on New Year's Eve. By that point the upcoming date with P was less than a week away, and I was still very nervous. My mom and I decided to hang out at home and watch the ball drop from our living room with all the animals instead of doing anything crazy. So I was sitting in the dining room watching a movie on my laptop-with my phone, of course, and at 11:00pm it rang. I panicked. It was him!! Why was he calling me?! He wanted to wish me a happy new year. (He forgot about the time change.) I was still in panic mode so I hardly spoke. (Later I heard from his dad that he said, "She was really quiet." Sorry that I'm not actually quiet, P....) But he made the first move. I called him at midnight central time and wished him a happy new year again. I could tell 2011 would be a fantastic new year-even though it was only a few minutes old. 

Well, the first date was fantastic. We grilled paninis and watched Avatar (the aliens, not the air bender). He drove me home and asked if I was busy the next day. I asked why-he said he wanted to take me to the children's museum and grab lunch with his dad downtown. (I had admitted to have never been to the museum, and Indy's is the biggest.) I immediately agreed and so he dropped me off and kissed me goodnight. Best. Kiss. Ever. (not to brag, but my man's the best, sorry ladies.) So our first date quickly turned into a weekend long event. 

School started and with that, our spring activities. I had also gotten in touch with an amazing person at Campus House before leaving, and when I expressed interest in being baptized she agreed to meet with me on a weekly basis to talk. I also joined a small group with Campus House. I ended up being in her group-and I met some absolutely amazing girls because of it. I know that without these girls in my life I would not have grown so much this past spring. P was quickly wrapped up in his senior design project along with Glee Club-something which I quickly discovered was a very large time sucker. We made it work. We mostly saw each other during homework time. Sometimes we were both so busy we didn't get to see each other until the weekend, or if I stopped by his work in between classes. 

Before I knew it, spring break appeared. I had interviews in three different cities with three different companies. I was very excited-and then he told me before my first interview, "Get a job. I'll find one near you." I was floored. I prayed that God would help me in my decision-if the offers came. They came. All three. I prayed that He would help me pick the one that would be good for both of us. With God's guidance, and input from P, I informed two of the companies that I was grateful for the offer, but I had already accepted a job with another company. 

I fear that I have gone on too long, dear reader. I will give you a break and hopefully catch up to present day, well, at least to graduation, in the next update. I fear that I have left out too many things, so I'll say this: I had so many moments over the beginning of the semester where I could feel God pulling my heart in a certain direction. The moment I voiced my desire to be baptized, I knew it was what He had been waiting for. I know that He had been waiting for me to accept His love, and now that I had, He was excited and wanted to show me that He had always been there for me even though I denied Him for so long.

Until next time, dear reader. 

And if our God is for us, 

then who could ever stop us

and if our God is with us

then what could stand against

"Our God" - Chris Tomlin

How did I get here? (part 2)

I promised you a continuation of my story. So here it is. Bear with me, since I haven't told this story, or thought about it, in a long time. I left off in June 2010, where I had just found out my ex, whom I was still completely in love with, had found someone else. I was struggling to see the light and didn't know if I could handle it. I was invited to the librarian's Lutheran church-but because of my insecurities and anger, I didn't ever go. I do regret not going, but looking at where I was in my life I don't believe I was ready to accept God into my life. I was off the facebook grid-a decision that I do not regret. It gave me a sense of freedom to do what I wished over the summer, I didn't have to keep people updated on my every move.

And now to continue my story from there.

I finished my internship and moved back to school. Back to the apartment that guy helped me move into, back to a place I thought I could be happy. I still wasn't, even though I tried to tell myself I was. During band camp his parents brought popsicles for the whole band one day and his parents hugged me and said they heard I was in Atlanta for the summer and asked me how it went. I wanted to yell and ask them how they could possibly be so nice to me when their son destroyed my heart. I didn't. Inside my stomach felt like lead and my heart shattered again-I loved his family. His parents, his sister, even his brother (who never seemed to like me much). The wounds I had thought were (finally) beginning to heal were ripped open again. I slipped back into a weird funk and let me tell you-this was NOT a good idea. This was, after all, the fall of my super senior year and I had my senior design class to tackle. I let myself wallow for a little and quickly realized I couldn't. I hung out with friends as much as possible, and began to hang out more with the tuba section. I went to a party one weekend at a friend's place, relishing in the fact that I had holed myself up in my apartment all day and didn't leave until 10pm to go to a party. This is where I gloss over some details, but I ended up, on the persuasion of a friend, dancing with a guy who kept looking at me. (I hadn't noticed, but my friend pointed it out.) So we talked and I soon found out he was a freshman-but I thought he was cute. Besides, what's a few years age difference? 

We started dating and spending a lot of time together. I still remember the first time I went over to his apartment. His older brother was there, sitting in their blue recliner, watching Boy Meets World and working on homework. He looked at me like there was something wrong with me, but I let it go and tried not to let it bother me. We continued to be happy and dated, and in October I invited him to my friend's wedding in Ohio. He agreed. When we started dating he had invited me to go to Campus House with him. I said I would think about it but really didn't give it a second thought. I think it was about the middle of September-about the time I invited him to the wedding-that I finally went to Campus House because he was playing in the band for their Thursday night service, TNT. I loved it. It was a little weird at first and he introduced me to a few people after the service. He introduced me to a girl who "made the best coffee", according to him. She was very nice and admitted that she had no idea where the coffee came from, all she did was put it in the coffee maker. Things were good, I was happy. I continued to go to Campus House with him. At the end of October he invited me over for breakfast and told me we had to talk. We usually talked over food, he said it gave him something to do with his hands. He broke up with me. I was so angry at him, and I had just found Campus House. I couldn't believe what was going on and convinced myself that there was something wrong with me. 

But for some reason, I continued to go to Campus House. I sat alone, but it was a little less weird. Plus I had seen some other friends from band a couple times, so I said hi. I eventually started to sit with them. After a few weeks the boy messaged me and we met up to talk again. He realized that he had been an idiot and wanted another chance. I said okay, on the condition that if this happened again, there would be no more chances. He said he understood. So we started seeing each other regularly again, and he finally took me out on a date-dinner and a movie. We went to see Harry Potter 7.1. I enjoyed myself and so did he. For Thanksgiving the marching band went to New York City to march in the Macy's Day Parade. He told me before we left that he wanted to spend time with his friends. And just his friends. I was frustrated, but agreed as long as we could see each other some of the time. The band had dinner at a delicious Italian place and at the end of the meal I got up to use the restroom-and made the mistake of assuming he knew I went to the bathroom. (I left my jacket on my chair.) My table was dismissed back to our bus and promptly left me there. I panicked. I didn't leave the restaurant right away but called his cell phone and it went straight to voicemail-I would later find out his phone was dead. I didn't have anyone else's number who was on my bus and, of course, we were one of the last buses to leave from the restaurant. So I made the decision to try and find my way back to the bus-I must remind you that I was panicked. Well, eventually someone called me and I met up with the bus again. The director on our bus was considerably less than thrilled and blamed me for it. I spoke with him briefly about what happened and he realized it wasn't entirely my fault. I returned to my seat and refused to speak to the boy. I was so mad at him and all he did was apologize. I couldn't believe what happened and the fact that he didn't even tell the bus captain I wasn't there. Oh yea, this just so happened to be our first night in the city... I was not looking forward to the rest of this trip.

It ended up being okay-I spent most of my time with my mellophone friends. (A fantastic idea, we had a lot of fun.) We got back from NYC and promptly went to our senior game against IU. It was a crazy weekend, and my family surprised me with an amazing sign they unfurled during post game-I couldn't play for several songs because I was crying and laughing so hard. (Yes, I still have it.) I managed to get a picture of it from the field. The boy and I had a talk a few days after this and he broke up with me again. I couldn't believe it. I was furious-why hadn't he done this before the trip? I had so many questions. I had class, and was more than ready to not be in the same room as him for a while. I had thought that this could be "the real thing". In December the low brass always has "Tuba Christmas" (tubas and baritones/euphoniums), and PMO always puts on a Christmas show. I invited one of my best friends to go with me, and he said he would. He hadn't ever been and I needed some Christmas cheer. By this point I had gotten my ex's (for sake of clarity, we'll call him J.) older brother's phone number (we'll call him P). After the show I texted him and said it was a great show and that I liked his red scarf. He laughed and told me it was actually a women's scarf from Target, but he was glad I enjoyed the show. I continued to talk to their parents, because they are awesome people. I'm so glad I did. I got into the Christmas mood and made chocolate covered pretzels, Oreos, and made candy-cane reindeer. I gave them to the mellophones and some close friends-and made them a container full of them. (And one reindeer for each of them.) They wanted to stop by before they went to see the Christmas show, because they had a few gifts for me. I was overwhelmed. They gave me tickets to see Monty Python's Spamalot when it came to Purdue in March, on the condition that I took someone who would enjoy it as much as I would. I agreed. 

At this point their dad and I had exchanged a number of emails and facebook messages and I eventually told him something that would change my life for the better. I didn't have my own Bible. He immediately apologized and just assumed I had one. Little did I know what was in store for me. A few days after was Tuba Christmas, an event I had never been to. I met up with a friend and ran into them at the show so we sat together. I had talked to his dad and asked if I could talk to J after the show alone, and he said that was fine because they were planning on going to a movie or something with the girls anyway. So we talked for a while. We established that it really was over and I told him that I thought I had fallen for him. He left and I sat there in Elliott Hall alone and broken. I knew I couldn't stay there all night but I didn't want to go home. I stayed for a while, unmoving, half-hoping he would come back and realize he was wrong. He didn't. I went home and buried myself into studying the two final exams I had. P and I texted back and forth throughout the week, discussing our finals and I wished him luck on a few of them. One day he sent me a message that made me stop in my tracks. He asked me if I was free one afternoon because his parents asked him to help me pick out a Bible. I was shocked and had no idea what to say. (I had been continuing to go to Campus House on my own.) I finally agreed, and we decided that after his finals were over we would meet up and go. This was going to be the first time we spent any time together alone. I was nervous. I went to lunch with a friend and I told her about what was going to happen. She was absolutely thrilled at the idea and was so happy for me that I was beginning to find God. Have I mentioned that I was nervous? 

We drove to Border's and he asked me what I was looking for and I admitted that I had no idea. I felt so out of place, even in a book store. I felt like everyone who walked by knew that I didn't know and that I had a flashing neon sign above my head. I don't think this really needs to be said, but I felt thoroughly awkward the whole time. Now that we talk about it, he had intentions of taking me to Starbucks and talking for a while, about faith and the Bible. He gave me suggestions of where to start reading, and after he checked out, I headed back towards the car. I think the whole thing was a little awkward for the both of us-especially based on the whole... I dated his younger brother thing. He dropped me off at my place and I sank down into my couch and flipped through my new Bible. I fell in love with it. Yea, kind of weird, I know. But I had been curious about this book for so long, and now here it was. My very own copy. I started reading and had to paused every few minutes to let it sink in that this was my Bible.

Okay-I hate to leave you at this point, but it is most definitely dinner time. I promise that I will update with part 3, which will bring you to where I am now, very soon. It may even be after dinner. 

Until next time, dear readers. (Which I promise will be very soon!)

I'm going to try harder.

My man keeps giving me grief for not updating-I gotta admit it's kind of nice to know he actually reads my blog updates and may even like reading them, HA! It seems I haven't been updating nearly as much, I can only blame myself for this lack of updates. So, I'm going to try harder. I can't guarantee it will be every week, but I'll admit part of the problem was the lack of ideas coming to me. Especially since I'm not sure I want this to be a journal where I spew my issues with the world... That's what paper is for. Paper that I can read and then burn/shred/etc. I'll include important goings-on in my world, if I feel the need to.

Like the fact that my small group has met twice outside of Group Link, and tomorrow evening is my turn to share my story. It will be sort of like the update I started a long time ago... but in it's entirety. Well, sort of. I can't possibly tell my entire story in 10-15 minutes, but I can tell the important parts. Especially recent (and not-so-recent-but-still-seem-recent) events. In any case, I'm going to bring pictures from my baptism and the DVD of my lavaliere, both of which are extremely important to me and helps me tell my new friends about my life. (Plus I'll get to show off my man in his tuxedo... :-D)

So, I'll recap the series for you since I cannot go into detail about the last 4 weeks-partly because I cannot remember everything that Andy Stanley has said over the previous weeks. I'll hit the parts I thought were important/stuck out the most to me. To begin, this was a 6 week series titled "Recovery Road", I believe I posted about the first or second week, but haven't since.
Main points:

• Recovery begins with me, not them. It begins with we, not they.
• Recovery begins when moral authority supersedes reelection as the value of choice among our nations leaders.
• Recovery begins with a declaration of dependence.
• Recovery begins when we embrace the fiscal discipline of lending rather than borrowing.
• Recovery begins when we leverage our entitlement for the benefit of those less entitled.

So, to explain a few of the main points I listed: What do all of our elected officials have in common? They were elected. So how can we possibly expect them to change when we are the ones electing them? Which can only mean one thing: we have to reconsider who we are voting for-and why we are voting for them. I won't tell you who to vote for or why to vote for a certain person, that's up to you. Your decisions cannot be made for you-but if you are a Christian, you need to take a serious look at the candidates and allow your faith to help you choose. My man and I actually got into a discussion about this last night, about how I find it kind of ridiculous that we are so concerned with the fact that is . Mostly because of the fact that we're so ashamed/nervous about talking about religion in the public eye. This leads into the declaration of dependence. This isn't a direct quote, but I think I got most of it right, from Andy (this is in part 4, if you want to take a listen to the podcasts): we would rather run the risk of offending God than the 8% of Americans who do not believe in God. And, oh by the way, half of those 8% don't care if we do talk about God. What would happen if the men and women in Congress fell to their knees and declared dependence on God? Can you even imagine what would happen to our country if we accepted and put our trust in God again? If you're lucky enough to have those little green bills in your wallet, take one out. Look at the back of it. See the promise we have made to ourselves, to our country, to others, and most importantly, to our God? "In God We Trust." We readily accept these pieces of paper in our lives, but why can't we accept God? Why is it that talking about God on a national level leaves us uncomfortable? I can't tell you. I'm not sure anyone can answer that question. The finance week hit me in a spot that has been making me think about it since then. I haven't ever had a salary-I mean, yes. I had internships. But I feel like those were part time jobs, getting me ready for the real world (even though I was working full time). So now I have a steady income and I'm so used to being a broke college student, part of me is still spending like I was a broke college student. Which, I suppose is a good thing. I refuse to open a second credit card, and I recently opened a savings account with USAA so I can transfer some of my money every month into it. 

This leads me into the last main point, from today. I am so blessed to have this opportunity for a job upon my college graduation, and I am ecstatic that I am now able to help Campus House out in a way that I couldn't while I was in college. They helped me-and showed me a love that I was unsure of, I don't know how else to thank them. I'm not even sure that it will ever be enough. Money is one of the four things we are entitled to. In list form:

• Time
• Money
• Possessions
• Influence

Jesus doesn't care how you got what you have or how much you have. What matters is what you do with what you have. What will you do with what you are entitled to? In a time where it seems like we are going to go through a second recession, most people will hold on to their "entitlements". But what would happen to our country if we gave what we could? What would happen if we all did without something that is minor? (Like, give up your fancy coffee for a month. Save that money and donate it somewhere like your local church.) Since I am still adjusting to this "real world" life, I haven't been the most generous with my time or money. My goal for 2012 is to, with every paycheck I get, take 10% and put it aside. I'm unsure if I will put it all towards North Point or give some to Campus House. I still have time to figure that out, but I know that this is something I need to be doing. I am blessed to have the life that I do and I know that I would not be here without God's love. The least I can do is give something back to these two communities that have helped me through some rough times. 

I pray that you will look at where you are and thank God for everything He has given you. I know that if you are reading this, you are blessed. Know that He loves you and is always with you. God works in strange ways some times, but it's always for the good. "You make all things work together for my good."

Until next time, dear readers.